An Effort to Avoid the Obvious

It's insane how quickly the line between right and wrong can fade and somehow I find myself on both sides of it. I have come to realize that when you choose to or are forced to lie about the very foundation of your life every other lie and wrong doing seems completely insignificant. The guilt gets smaller and less painful until you are living out every part of the life you wish you had through stories and thoughts and the life you are actually living begins to feel like the lie. Every day is a show; a clever masquerade that most people buy into and only few have the courage or common sense to confront you and demand that you take off your mask and reveal the truth. Momentarily you show your true self but quickly cover back up as your true self is someone you despise. Yet as you catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror you realize you don't particularly like your masked self either. You are there somewhere though; the you that you want to be. Somewhere in between the mask and the fake smile and the beautiful gown and the ever flowing tears. If you had enough time maybe, or friends, or space, then you might be able to figure it out. But you're running short of every single one of these things in a very real way. So you continue to live in this parallel universe; stuck and drowning and somehow not giving a damn how it all ends; in death or life, in happiness or sorrow, you just pray that it will end. But the beauty and horror of it all is that it's endless and each day brings you closer to this realization and further from reality.

'What's Your Idea?'

The other day I read on article in the July/August addition of The Atlantic. This isn't a magazine that I would normally read or admittedly have ever even seen; but recently I have been encouraged by a friend to spend more time filling my mind with inspiring thoughts and stories instead of never ending episodes of The Big Bang Theory. So in an effort to find something to read that would both promote actual thought and also interest me, I went to Barnes and Nobel and this magazine immediately caught my attention. (Check out that cover story! Surprisingly though, I really enjoyed and agreed with that article as well as many many other articles in The Atlantic; I may have just found my new favorite magazine, besides Cosmo of course. But now I'm getting off topic!) 

I opened my new magazine and read the very first story, the editor's note, which I usually skip over as I find most of them very boring. This one only took up a single page though and for whatever reason I decided to give it a shot. It was written so eloquently and made so many great points that I found myself immediately and completely intrigued. I'm not sure if it's narcissism or just personal point of view but it seems as though the things I hear and read about tend to somehow shed some light on things going on in my own life, even when the topics are seemingly unrelated. As I poured over this article about ideas and the past I couldn't help but thing of the ideas that run through my head these days and the stories from my past. 

The article begins with James, the editor, talking about Detroit, Henry Ford, and Ford's son Edsel. Henry is depicted as stubborn, safe, and a little old fashioned whereas Edsel is described as open minded and one to push the envelope when it comes to automobile design. He died at 49 and some speculate his early death was due to 'Henry's cruel stubbornness destroying his sensitive son.' The article goes on to talk about good and bad ideas and how they're hardly distinguishable; both presently and in the long run then James states, 'Nothing moves forward without an idea, and without some risk.' As I sit here in a seemingly stand-still part of my life a statement like this really resonates in me in an incredibly inspiring way. A big reason why I'm not moving forward is that I have nothing to move towards; I don't know what I want and I'm not willing to set goals for fear I will not be able to accomplish them. So I stand in the same spot I've been in for quite some time now and challenge myself to come up with an idea. The risk part is easy; almost too easy. I'm not afraid and I'm willing to risk a lot of things for even a glimpse of happiness and a full life. The idea is undeniably where I struggle but I believe in baby steps and today my idea may be something simple but with time, practice, and encouragement those small ideas and those small goals can turn into something much bigger and more challenging but undoubtedly more rewarding as well. With enough drive and motivation anyone can accomplish the most difficult of tasks; and that's what I plan to do.

If you have an extra five minutes I would encourage you to read this article and see what you get from it! http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2012/07/idea-factories/9017/